Me: Hi LeBron’s Headband, thanks for coming.
LBJH: Thanks for having me, Matt.
Me: So how have these playoffs gone for you so far?
LBJH: It’s been hard, honestly.
Me: Why is that?
LBJH: Well if LeBron were a bench player, everything would be fine, but since he’s active in the offense, I find myself always hanging on for dear life.
Me: Do you ever talk to him about it, or have you asked him to shave his head?
LBJH: I’ve asked for everything, but the guy just doesn’t give a crap. It’s getting to the point where I’m becoming more of a Yarmulke, which doesn’t sit well with me since I’m not religious. I mean I’ve even asked for a little glue, or some fun tack, maybe duct tape, I just want him to meet me half way.
Me: Have you ever considered leaving LeBron James, and relocating on the head of a more secure and follically blessed individual.
LBJH: (tearing up) I don’t know, I’ve had a lot of good times with LeBron, and he keeps me very comfortable financially. He even sent my kids to private school, so I guess I’m doing it for them.
Me: Do you want a tissue?
LBJH: No, it’s ok (uses self to wipe away tears)
(LeBron bursts through doors)
LeBron: Yo, where the hell have you been?!
LBJH: I’m sorry, I was just doing an…
LeBron: I don’t care what you were doing, what are you a celebrity now? I look motherf$%^ing ridiculous, people are going to figure out that I’m losing hair if you don’t get your ass on my head.
LBJH: Ok, sorry LeBron.
LeBron: Move back, you know my hairline doesn’t start there anymore.
LBJH: Good?
LeBron: Further
LBJH: Good?
LeBron: Further
LBJH: How about now?
LeBron: That’ll do, we out
(LeBron and his headband run out of the room)
Matt: Well, I guess that concludes my very special interview with LeBron’s headband. Be sure to watch The Heat and Thunder in the NBA Finals, game 3 is Tuesday at 9, on ABC.
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